


BALLADS 1

by deltachye



Category: Psycho-Pass
Genre: Angst, On-Again/Off-Again Relationship, Other, Reader-Insert, Romance, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-12
Updated: 2019-06-12
Packaged: 2020-05-02 06:32:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19193620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deltachye/pseuds/deltachye
Summary: [reader x shinya kogami]a slow sentimental or romantic song.[no further updates]





	BALLADS 1

 

**If I hurt you, I'm afraid God's gonna teach me a lesson.**

When you run your thumb over the wrinkles in the paper, it’s like you can feel each of the faintly warm lines of his palm. If you close your eyes you can see his face, aged beyond his years, a sly crescent of a grin cutting into the darkness like the moon in the pitch sky. When you try hard enough you can smell him: deep, silvery cigarette smoke and masculine cologne. He touches his forehead to your shoulder, hiding his face.

_Just for a second, okay? I just want to rest for a second._

And it’s real for a moment. But the moment is all too short, because all it takes is a gust of wind on your face; and you remember it’s not him that’s tucking hair behind your ear. You remember it all, and the moment sinks away in your gut with your heavy, heavy heart. Shinya’s gone.

Would it have been easier if he hadn’t said anything at all and just vanished like that? Would it be easier if he’d just gone and died instead? The letter trembles in your hands, the sorrow alighting you with the angry souls of all the ones who’ve been slighted by their male lovers. You feel like one of ‘them’ now. Easy ones. The sorry ones who’ve been cheated and played. All the words he’d written to you mean nothing. They feel like nothing, like they could’ve gone to anybody. It’s worthless. And yet you still _feel so much_.

You feel like maybe, if you hadn’t given so much—if you had just listened to yourself (and him too) early on, that _no_ , this isn’t good—you wouldn’t be so hurt right now. You feel that when you stand here and cry, you’re wasting your time. And you are, probably, wasting your time burning tears for somebody who won’t wipe them away. They still fall like stones onto your cheeks.

The worst of it all is that when you’re done crying; when you stand there in silence, totally empty, you _still love him_. Even when you throw the letter away, lighting it into ashes, you still…

_“Can’t we have at least one good picture together, Shin? Here, I’ll even beg for you—please?”_

_“I’d rather you beg for me a different way.”_

_“I’m serious. Come on, just smile. Once.”_

_“I don’t smile for the camera. I smile for you.”_

_“Great! So smile for me and pretend the camera’s not there, won’t you—“_

You didn’t throw the picture away. You threw the letter away, but you could not throw that picture away, because it’s the only picture where he smiles.

It’s how you know that even after it all, you still love the man you hate the most in this world.

**Now would you hate me if I said goodbye  
** So quick you could eat my dust?  
Now would you hate me if I ran like hell  
In the wind from dawn 'til dusk? 

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: https://deltachye.tumblr.com/


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